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07 June 2006 @ 01:55 pm
Fic: Nexus (part 1)  

Title: Nexus 1/?
Author: Shona (aka Mara)
Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. Joss is Boss.
Setting: AtS: Season 4, specifically this part takes place towards the end of The House Always Wins and during Slouching Toward Bethlehem
Rating: No worse than the show, so it was what? 15 rated in the UK?
Notes: I really wanted this to be complete before I posted it, but it's ended up much longer than anticipated so I'm posting the completed first part here and now and I'll post the rest of the parts on other unclaimed days - if that's okay?
Icon: from the wonderful icon post frontyardninja made here

Okay Cordy, you realise you're talking to yourself, right? Right. Good. Just so long as you know that then that probably means you're not going insane, 'cause people who're insane don't know they're insane, right? Nope, not insane, just a normal person doing normal things like talking to herself because normal people talk to themselves all the time and then worry that they're going insane.

Of course, not many 'normal' people end up floating in a bit vast empty white nothingness bored out of their 'normal' minds while they're doing all that 'normal' talking to themselves…

Oh who wants to be normal anyway?

Think, CC, how can you fix this? There has to be something you can do and did you just call yourself CC? No one's done that since… well, forever. And it's all his fault anyway, if it hadn't been for him then you never would have gotten involved with the whole Scooby Gang thing and then you'd never have hooked up with Angel in LA…

Angel. God, Cordy! Learn to focus maybe?

Ooo! Look at that! He almost won! That would show that little bastard who thinks he can steal people's destinies. And okay so Angel isn't really a 'person' in the strictest sense of the word, but still! Hey, if he won at the slots then maybe he'd get in that room and he'd see the guys need help…

How hard can it be? It's just one little wheel. Patrick Swayze figured it out didn't he? Can't be that difficult…

Concentrate Cordy. You can do this.

You can do it.


Okay, what the hell was that? *That* was definitely weird. Ha! Like weird is something new to you Cordy, but still, *that* was definitely new…

Hey! Look! You're home! You're in the lobby - which they still haven't painted yet, honestly it gets more like the freaking batcave in here every day - and there's the most uncomfortable couch in this or any world, and the desk…
You did it Cordy! You're home! Yay!

Hold on… you should be bouncing about, why are you just standing there? Why aren't you…

Hey - the door - it's Angel! And Gunn, and Fred! Guys! I'm here! I made it!


Well, duh! Of course it's Cordelia - it's me! I'm home!

//who are you people?//

Huh? That's… your voice, that's you speaking, but it's... not you.

What the hell? Why did you just back away from Angel? What the hell is going on here?

Angel?! Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?

Oh come on! As if it wasn’t insane enough as it is, now you’re seeing things? There was nobody up there, everyone is right in front of you – well except Lorne but… Cordelia Chase. You are nuts. Whacko. Gaga. Someone call those men in the white coats because you’ve clearly escaped from whatever asylum it was they had locked you up in.

Unless it’s a dream. Pinch yourself, go on, and then if you’re dreaming you’ll wake up… back in that vast empty white nothinginess… Okay, so what if you do, at least it’s better than this! Pinch yourself. Do it!

Okay. So you’re clearly not paralysed what with the whole walking around thing you’ve got going on there, but somehow pinching yourself is out? It’s like… you’re not in control.

And we’re right back to the fact that you’re a nut job. Hey, look on the bright side, all this is probably some kind of drug-addled hallucination or something, so just sit back and let the narcotics do their stuff…

Unless this is hell.

Oh, that is just so typical of you! You’re dead and you went to some kind of special hell where you get to spend eternity watching someone who looks and sounds like you walking about, talking like you. Figures!

Amnesia? Oh please, Fred – could you *get* any more movie-of-the-week? Well maybe if it turns out you're some kind of identical-twin-separated-at-birth amnesiac. Or wait a second, what if… what if it *is* amnesia and it’s just that all this stuff is in your head but you can’t say it. Yeah, that makes sense in a way that completely doesn’t but hey, right now it’s all you got honey so go with it. Hospital, yes, that’s definitely the way to go with this.

//Hospital! I don’t need a… Not yet. Maybe later.//

What the hell? That’s so far beyond not fair it’s not even in the same dimension! It’s almost like something in you knows what you wanted and deliberately…

Nah. Couldn’t be.

That’d be too much like possession and you, Cordelia Chase, know 'bout possession.

Damn it! You went and got yourself possessed didn’t you? Don’t try and deny it! You did and that’s just so like you! Okay, so breathe or whatever you do when you can’t. control. your. lungs. Think about this rationally. Something has control of your body – again – and you…


Why does this keep happening to you? Do you have like some kind of sign on you saying “buy one get demonic possession, get the second free”?! It’s just… gah!

Okay Cordy, chill. They’ve seen this before, they’ll figure it out and you can get back to normal – whatever that is. Only… they’re not seeing it are they? They really think you’re a goddam movie-of-the-week story! How typical is that? If it was one of them you know you’d have spotted it before now and everything would be hunky dory before you can blink, but oh no, Cordy gets possessed and no one even notices. Serves them right…

What the hell has gotten into you, Cor? Besides the obvious, or maybe because of the obvious. This thing is making you all… selfish!

If they can’t see what’s going on then that just leaves you, you are going to have to fix it yourself. Again.

Y’know, you shouldn’t be able to sigh if you’re just some kind of disembodied *thing* trapped inside your own head.


Hey… how did you get up here and why are all your things here? What happened to your apartment? It was rent controlled! And Dennis! They gave up your lease? Oh that’s it, you are so going to have words with them when you get out of this! Or get this out of you – or whatever. But hang on, you were just downstairs and now you’re not and…

There was that flashy thing again wasn’t there? The screams.

Kinda like… a vision but without the extreme brain implosion. Which, since you don’t have access to your brain right now, makes sense. A vision. You have to tell someone, you have to tell Angel…


JG: Angelmobilejgracio on June 7th, 2006 09:32 pm (UTC)
I see you've avoided the most painful Possession inspired behavior. Good. :)

I like it. Poor Cordy.
thedothatgirl: cordysexythedothatgirl on June 8th, 2006 10:06 am (UTC)
Great stuff, can't wait to read the next instalment. :D
mbbthebest on November 10th, 2006 03:23 am (UTC)
interesting chapter, nice insight in cordellia's horror. but i can't find the next chapter